Palermo, April 1st
This post might be a prank for April Fools’ Day, but truth is: this is not.
If someone had told me that I would have found myself writing a similar post, I probably would have not believed that. Kissed by the same warm sun I have been craving for weeks, and surrounded by the walls that have made me feel home for almost 23 years, I am suddenly in Italy. Sudden as the news that made me rush back to Italy on Monday morning, painful and shocking. Sudden as every change that happens in this temporary life.
My grandfather passed away in the early hours of Monday morning, while I was still in London, totally unaware and unprepared. It was shocking, painful and heart-breaking. I didn’t even have the time to think about it that I was already on the tube to the airport, and on my flight to Italy. I was catapulted into my dear old reality without the slightest warning, more than 2,000 km away from London. The moment an abroad student waits for months turned into a real nightmare.
You never know how to deal with a loss until life forces you do it and react. I have never been good at saying how I really feel, and if you asked me, all I would say right now is probably that I don’t even know how I feel. I am an overthinker. I do think too much than I should, and I have been thinking non-stop for days, especially because everything is falling apart right now.
This is one of those moments when frustration overcomes you and you can’t do anything about it. It is hard to see the people around you grieving and heartbroken. It is even harder when you are still in shock and confused about everything that is happening right now, with your closest friends miles away. Not only you have lost your grandfather, without even saying a proper goodbye, but you might as well fail your Master’s degree because you were supposed to take a few exams this week. You just wish it never happened. And that’s exactly what is happening to me.
I have been trying to reach a point when I am not healing anymore. Hence, the exigence of writing this post, a list of things to remember when all you need is a way out.
“Things to keep in mind when you hit rock bottom”
You are loved – It may sound like the first of a series of cliché, but it’s not. When we are at our worst, the thought of being loved is more important than we think. And I am talking about the unconditional love given by friends and family. Whether it’s a word or a hug, it should never be underestimated. Even a simple look from your dearest friends can mean a lot and say a million things.
You are alive – This might sound selfish, especially for the relatives who passed away and left us. But why would they want us to stop living? Being alive means also that we have the power to choose which life to live, what can be changed, improved or chased. There’s still plenty of time!
Having a positive mind is important – One of my favourite thing is positivity. Positivity is everything, is the key to a good life and the right attitude to cope with every difficulty. My ultimate daily goal is to be positive. And I can’t deny that every day spent with a positive attitude is a day lived to the fullest.
Be kind – You never really know what being kind means, until all you need is kindness.
Be focused – And strong, determined and motivated.
Appreciate the simplest things – the little things in life are always the most beautiful ones. Not always the easiest to spot, appreciating the little things can bring joy and genuine happiness, especially when you are at your worst. Today I feel grateful for appreciating rays of sun and warm, summery breeze.
Nature – as it happens for the little things, the beauty of nature is often underestimated and unnoticed. Nature reminds us that we are part of something big, happening around here, and it is just the beauty of the world and its magnificence. Contemplating nature can make us feel better and understand the meaning of life. At the end of the day, there is so much more than our everyday problems.
You should always say how you feel – Expressing your feelings and thoughts, whether you write them down or tell them to a close friend, can be liberating and set you free. This is why I have chosen to write how I feel and I am sharing my personal life on this blog. Because sometimes it is hard to face everything on your own. Sometimes all you need is empathy, and it is the empathy in relationships with people that heals you and makes you love life again.
Just feel – Feelings can be good and can be bad. I do tend to feel a lot, exaggerate and overreact, but at the same time, I try to protect myself a lot. Avoiding situations that hurt us and running away from problematic scenarios might be good, but it is just a temporary and wrong solution. Being fragile and torn apart can make you vulnerable, but can make you feel alive, too. Being aware of pain, fear, anger, loneliness, rejection and of every negative feeling means you are alive. And what is better than knowing you have also the power to react, stand up and start again?
Last, but not least… there is always a way up!
As I said in my previous post, English is not my first language and I am always willing to improve and get good advice. Be kind and constructive, I would love to get some feedbacks.
Not being able to 100 % cheer myself up, I hope I cheered you all up a little bit.